72 Hours Overthought.

I spend way too much time on the computer.  Not just doing homework, but reading, watching people play video games on YouTube, looking up my favorite bands, searching for interesting facts, obsessively checking my email and Facebook.  Obsessively checking my email and Facebook.  Obsessively checking my email and Facebook. Obsessively checking to see if the internet has changed or someone has written me a message that could change my life.  Obsessively waiting to feel important.  Obsessively waiting for disappointment.
I can't seem to get my head around the fact that I'm not always necessary.  I'm not always important.  I'm not always what everyone wants to look at.
Those are the days I'm so close to deleting my Facebook, putting up a permanent out-of-town reply on my email, and forwarding all calls to my voice mail.  Those are the days I want to disappear and pretend that the world really would be fine without me.  Because it would.
During the week I do a fairly good job of disappearing.  My friends don't really see much of me unless they have class with me, and in all honesty, I'm perfectly fine with that.  I've been rather antisocial in the past, and I like my quiet time.  Sure, I love my friends, I like people, but I'm a loner most days and need that quiet and personal space that you can't always find in college.

And then I write for a blog that rarely gets read.  That's when I feel really insignificant.  In a way, it's good, though.  I can write whatever the heck I want and know that the people who I write about or write for aren't actually reading any of it and are completely in the dark.
This all sort of links back to wanting and validation. There isn't any importance or desirability in my blog.  I write about the things I want to write about, and they tend to be somewhat moody or useless (we can thank my Bad  Mood for this entry) but they are usually interesting, provide something stimulating, and I get at least one view from someone in Germany or Texas a month.

It's the curse of Overthinking.  It's in a woman's nature to overthink everything.  We let one little thing escalate until it completely destroys self-confidence and a Good Mood and throws everything into the toilet.  That's basically what's happened in the last 72 hours for me.  So one little happenstance last night which I have been overthinking since its occurrence has turned my mood sour after a pretty damn good day on Friday.  It's now left me feeling very drained, depressed, and lethargic.

Ladies, when something happens...let it be.  Overthinking does absolutely no good whatsoever.  You just need to hear it from someone else before you realize how much you're blowing everything out of proportion.